Go to work early this morning, and deal with the daily news, meeting each task as it comes to me.
Hours later, return home to care for my sick child, do laundry, answer mail, cook food.
Am quite disappointed not to be able to attend a reading by the marvelous French poet Yves Bonnefoy tonight. There is a moment of feeling « unlucky, » as the English say: Such a great opportunity missed!
Think of a story from the tales of the wise old 8th-century Chinese layman Pang:
The Zen master Sekito asked him, « So, are you going to wear black or white? » (Black was for monks, white for lay people. Pang was a lay practitioner with a wife and two children.)
Pang answered, « I will do whatever is best. »
He remained a layman all his life.
Whatever is best
About the Author: zenscribe
Enseignante Zen et poète, Sensei Amy “Tu es cela” Hollowell est née et a grandi à Minneapolis, aux Etats-Unis. Arrivée en France en 1981 pour étudier la littérature et l’histoire, elle y est restée, s’installant à Paris, où elle élève ses deux enfants et gagne sa vie en tant que journaliste.
The Zen teacher and poet Amy “Tu es cela” Hollowell Sensei was born and raised in Minneapolis, but came to France in 1981 to study literature and history and has lived in Paris ever since, raising her two children and making a living as a journalist.
I recognise that HJ.
To me it seems I got confused when I want to think consciouly about tings to decide. It seems to me that does not work- for life is extremely complex – not to grasp into the simplicity of thinking categories – and that way avoiding unconscient factors.
To me it seems when i have enough trust to surrender intuïvely to this "flow" of life , not grasping with my mind – this is the only "right way". Then everything is right: the right words , the right action,…. Seems to me we are part of the whole then. Ourselves and yet competely in relation.
When i was younger and i had to decide something – my intuition could be so strong – but i didn’t dare to trust it. So I stated to think about the good and the bad side about every desicion. I had not enough trust. When I did that for a long time, well knowing that every decision had bad sides – at the end I allways took the desision my intuition gave me in the first place.
Now i dare to trust my intuition much more. We can "rest" in a knowing that is bigger than ourself. In a way we are "carried" by everything…
At the other hand to me when I got confused now what to decide – often it gets more and more clear to me that i am not ready to decide this thing. Sometimes i guess we are not ready. The thing has to ripe – we have to give it time. No use to force things. For everything comes from something…
What is "best" cannot be "known." That is why it is "best."
How do you know what is the best? Most of the times I am prety confused and cannot decide.